sailorphaeton

Volume 08:

So now you’re starting to use speech bubbles. That’s great and all except that the pointy things are supposed to point directly (or near) the person speaking. These don’t so what’s the point? Heh. Get it? Point? Probably not. Such humor likely goes over your head. Kind of like these speech bubbles don’t.

I can’t imagine Beryl ever saying something like ‘no worries’. It sounds way to casual for her. Is she an all mighty dark queen or a relaxed teen?

Maaaan the tracing in this chapter is atrocious even by your standards.

So Kaito is the Ail/Allan clone. Also, too young to be a general. So imagine my lack of shock to see him become one of the Makaijuu alien things. Which have no relationship to the Dark Kingdom and Beryl whatsoever. Not that small things like that mean anything to you.

Page 574/575. That hand makes me cringe so hard.

Come on Kaoru put some effort into that attack. Oh wait, you can’t. Because Nads can’t draw.

Show us the attack, don’t tell us. Also, if she was able to defeat that Kaito guy so easily, she probably should have done so earlier?

Pages 584-597 are missing. Presumably they explain why Tux is bad now? And why the tuxedo? When he was bad last time he wore his Endymion armor. It's way more badass than that silly evening wear.

He threw a flower at them Gasp! How threatening!

Is there a point in bleeping out bitch?

Couldn’t you have given Haruka and Michiru new clothes? They still look like they belong in the 90s.

Pyrolia? You need to return your hair to the 80s where it belongs. It’s not a good look for you.

Just how much hair dye did Berylia need to use? Or is that a wig? Please clarify.

Oh hey, that’s the wax youma thing from the princess training episode.

Why does this Nel person have a black crescent moon? That was a Black Moon family thing, not a Dark Kingdom.

Well, with a badly drawn face and balloon boobs like that I wouldn’t recognize you either.

Every girl needs someone to whip away their tears.

So that nasty glitter looking crap on Beryl’s body is supposed to be burn damage? Her story is utter bullshit since Beryl and Metallia were supposed to have been completely fused together, but fine. Have it your way.

You’re confused about Beryl. Lifted straight from the wiki:

Beryl was an Earth sorceress of a lower rank who fell in love with Prince Endymion but her love went unrequited. She became obsessively jealous upon finding out his love for Princess Serenity. Beryl was later corrupted by Queen Metaria, who had detected malice in her heart.

Beryl, this Phantom of the Opera mask thing you have going on just isn’t working. There’s got to be a better way to deal with that crispy face of yours. Like maybe not exist in this shitty comic because you’re actually supposed to be dead?

That throne room looks like a kids’ colouring book at not something from the Crystal Palace.

Hey, has anyone else noticed that Celeste’s fuku is basically Super Sailormoon’s fuku with different sleeves?

Didn’t think to check the meaning of Ayame before now but it apparently means ‘Iris’.

With images that small pupils can sometimes be hard to draw in but then you get that soulless look and it’s just creepy. This is why the zoom function exists in digital art. Page 663 I’m looking at you.

So, no backgrounds in this chapter/volume? Couldn’t find anything to trace?

Lookit that! It’s Abraxas and friends. Oh wait. You stole them and gave them different names.

Oh look a background! Even if it is just a screencap of Beryl’s throne room from season 1.

If Ezop is from a system far away, why would she have a Sol fuku? Even the Starlights and Animamates look different.

….did you actually heal Beryl? This is Sailormoon, not Pretty Cure. Not everyone can be healed/redeemed/restored. People die, villains get destroyed. Life isn’t like a stupid Disney movie, ok? Do you even KNOW your source material or are you just cherry picking the shit you like? The manga is fucking depressing as shit. Characters die in the anime all the TIME! They die and don’t come back, even!

(PS: I like Disney movies. They have their place and I have my criticisms of them, too.)

(PPS: No disrespect intended to PreCure. It’s also cute and stuff. Just not my cup of hot herbal tea.)

Did Helios just spontaneously return to the light side? I just eye rolled so hard I saw the inside of my skull.

Nel’s arms are way too long.

Um, no. Fuck no. NQS is a kind hearted and forgiving person, but there’s no way she’d forgive Beryl that easily. Assuming that your scenario here is even remotely possible (which it isn’t, btw), given what Beryl put her and her friends through it would take a long time for that kind of forgiveness. She turned Mamoru evil TWICE for fuck’s sake! AND attacked her kids. Ain’t no bitch laying her hands on my hubby OR my offspring and getting away with that shit.

Volume 09:

The highlighting on your speech bubbles is dumb and distracting.

Can you just...stop with the future children visiting their past parents thing? It’s super overdone.

See...the Four Kings are behaving exactly right regarding Beryl. No one else seems to get that this is problematic.

Beryl’s hair on an earlier page was brown. Now it’s red? Make up your mind.

Nephrite wouldn’t be able to carry someone as tall/heavy as Shinta as easily as he’s shown doing.

Volume 10:

We’ve been over your habit of resurrecting characters that are supposed to be dead. This is Sailormoon, not Supernatural.

Chibi Purity? So, she’s obviously Kousagi/Purity’s kid, but…

1. Chibi Purity is such a non-threatening name for a villain

2. Can we stop naming the children of senshi chibi something or other? Kids need their own distinct identities rather than just being cheap knockoffs of their parents.

Your explanation of who these characters are is hard to follow.

Ugh, another Seiya clone.

You have way too many characters that are visually identical to each other. This is what happens when you trace.

Two toned hair doesn’t work that way…

Wait wait wait...who’s Selena? Oh, the bratty kid. Gotcha.

These names  are impossible to keep track of.

This pegasus thing is offensive. Helios was turned into a pegasus as part of a curse. So where are these other pegasi coming from?

Jell-O-rama? What the absolute fuck?

Volume 11:

Oh hello Saturn. Why are you still in that low level fuku?

Hah, called it several chapters ago. There IS a Sailor Ruby.

Saturn has a Death Slice now?

That black fire ring looks like the world’s nastiest doughnut.

Itoe Moon?

The only meaning I could find for itoe is a Japanese boy’s name meaning stringing forever.

I find it interesting that you claim itoe means love. The words in Japanese that mean love are: koigokoro, ai, aijou, ji, ren'ai, aikou, suki, and koi

Kanron looks like you’re just copying Hotohori from Fushigi Yuugi.

Volume 12:

Page 828 - I swear you used a Fushigi Yuugi cap for this image. Specifically of Hotohori. The hair is identical.

Speaking of hair, I can’t quite figure out what the hell is going on with Xin’s hair. It’s similar to Sailor Spring’s, showing a lack of creativity on your part.

Oh no everyone! Royal Moon has a stick with a big bow on the end. Run for your lives!!!

Ugh, Yaten clone.

So your Silver Warrior isn’t a senshi, she just dresses that way?

Your descriptions really need to match your images.

I’m wondering how those two nitwits could be related to Serenity, too, given how stupid and convoluted your moon line is.

Please do NOT use fancy text for large text blocks. It’s difficult to read. It has its place, but the way you use it on page 866 forward is not it. The simpler font you’d been using was much better and easier to read.

No David. You make that shit look like...well, shit.

Never thought I’d agree with Berylia, but those names are SUPER lame. Not that I’m surprised. Most of these names are lame.

Page 872, different fancy font that’s easier to read, but still not better. Simple fonts! SIMPLE!

Meatball head? Odango is the correct term.

Did he seriously call himself the Paladin Knight? To clarify:

Paladin:

any knightly or heroic champion.

any determined advocate or defender of a noble cause.

Knight:

A mounted soldier serving under a feudal superior in the Middle Ages.

(in Europe in the Middle Ages) A man, usually of noble birth, who after an apprenticeship as page and squire was raised to honorable military rank and bound to chivalrous conduct.

Any person of a rank similar to that of the medieval knight.

A man upon whom the nonhereditary dignity of knighthood is conferred by a sovereign because of personal merit or for services rendered to the country. In Great Britain he holds the rank next below that of a baronet, and the title Sir is prefixed to the Christian name, as in Sir John Smith.

A member of any order or association that designates its members as knights.

The two words mean basically the same thing. So he’s the Moon Moon of your story.

You have characters that show up out of nowhere. That’s bad storytelling.

Kousagi’s balcony looks suspiciously like a house in suburbia rather than a palace balcony.

NSG

Author: nads6969

This is going to be one long ass review and formatted a little different from the other ones. NSG is loooooong. 17 volumes long. It’s 2 chapters longer than Shards of Phaeton but it kept going after I stopped working on mine, so...there’s that.

General comic issues:

I have some familiarity with the comic before going into this so I’m going to get those out of the way first. I have to wonder if people who set up their comic like this (and I’ve seen a few, Nads, you’re not the only one) have ever picked up a comic in their life. To note, this includes a newspaper funny page, or looked at a webcomic, published comic, or anything. This isn’t how speech bubbles or panel layouts work. It’s ridiculously lazy. Ok?

Issue the second. Spell check. Do you know what that is? Do you? Use it. Your spelling, grammar, and punctuation is all over the place.

You also have a bad habit of telling instead of showing the action. Story telling rule number one is show don’t tell.

Your one saving grace with your text is that you’re not using that awful Comic Sans font.

Also, why don’t you have navigation links in your comments?

*sigh* Alright, on with it…

Volume 01:

Why is the heir to the throne going to a regular high school? That’s not how royalty works. Private tutors are the way to go.

One major issue I have when people deal with children of the senshi is that they almost ALWAYS have their mother’s last name. This is, quite frankly, ridiculous. Also, in most cases they’re inevitably girls that are clones of their moms. Yours are no different. Shinta is Makoto with darker hair and a different eye colour. Also, why the mix of Japanese and non-Japanese names. It makes no sense.

For the record, Shinta is a boy’s name in Japan and means “Lengthen, Cultivate, Develop"

Madrina is a Spanish word: an (older) woman who acts as a sponsor, patroness, or supporter, as at a baptism, confirmation, or wedding; a godmother. In extended use: a sponsor, a patron. It’s not a proper name.

Amari' is from African-Yoruba origins and means 'strength', and is used chiefly in the English language.

The name Katrina is a girl's name of German origin meaning "pure".

For the record? Japanese names are said last name first. Kino Shinta would be the correct way.

Oh for...KUNZITE! Not Malachite.

Mars looks like she’s wearing a hooker dress.

Ms. Haruna is still teaching high school? AND looking exactly the same as she did when Usagi was in high school? Nice try, but this is factually impossible. For one, she would have retired by the time that Chibi-usa was old enough to be in high school. Also, with how the Japanese school system works, they rotate schools every five years or so. It’s mandatory. So, even if Haruna was still teaching, this isn’t possible.

You’re giving away far too much information about your villain. This is stuff that you should be revealing through actions and dialog over the course of the story, not just info dumping on your readers.

Also? Beryl and Endymion having a kid? Uh...when is that supposed to have happened?

If Mika is absent, why bother mentioning her?

Senshi is both the singular and plural of the word.

Chibi-usa’s bedroom looks virtually identical to Usagi’s old room. Not really palatial at all.

This has been bugging me for several pages now, but come on. These panels are such obvious traces from screenshots of the first season of Sailormoon that it actually hurts. Not even good traces, either. The lines are wobbly, the shading is terrible, and your characters are obvious clones of the originals. Well, except Chibi-usa, but she’s clearly standing in for Usagi in these scenes. The only original idea I’ve seen so far is Mika. Even your first youma is the same as from the first episode!

Ok, the fuck? Since when does Helios dress up in a tuxedo and run around throwing roses?

You're bringing the Greek gods into this? Since when do the senshi or anyone else worship them? If anything the Japanese deities would be far more appropriate given the ethnicity of the characters. Yes, I get what the characters are named and where the names of the planets came from, but come on!

Why is Jupiter only in her Super fuku?

You couldn’t even be bothered to give any of the girls her own henshin sequence?

Rei’s grandfather would have passed away ages ago. He was super old in the anime/manga. Even with the longevity granted to people in Crystal Tokyo, people still die.

Hey, Berylia, the circus called. They’d like their balloons back.

That gluttony thing reminds me so much of the episode with Marzipan from the R season. Same cause, same effect.

I know those are supposed to be bells in that one girl’s hair but they come off looking like screws.

Oh look. Helios. Why is a priest going to high school?

You write Kunzite like an absolute dick.

It’s Moon Tiara Action.

Volume 02:

Japanese high schools don’t have prom you ignorant ass. Do some research. If you want to do a fancy dress episode, you’re forgetting your setting. Your characters are royals. There are any number of excuses for a fancy dress party right there. Ugh!

That red dress makes Chibi-usa look like a tramp. Katrina’s isn’t a whole lot better. Shinta is basically wearing a Belle cosplay.

Why did Berlyia’s hair suddenly turn brown?

Sigh...overprotective dads in 3...2...1...MARK! Why are their moms continuously wearing their fuku? Don’t they have anything more practical to wear?

Gross….Three Lights recolours. Couldn’t you have at least changed their features more? Or created original characters for this? Oh hey, now that’s a thought!

It would take me very little effort to find the screencaps you used to make this comic. Yes, yes, you claim to draw this all on you lonesome, yet there’s also screenshotted proof of you saying that you trace and also screenshots that prove you do so, so don’t even start with me.

Ok, so you’re saying the Starlights all had sons. Ok. That’s fine.

The relationship between Helios and Chibiusa is moving way too fast. Yes, they knew each other from before, but this isn’t how people work, even if you bring teenagers and their stupid hormones into it. (I have two teens at home, I know how stupid their stupid hormones are.) The whole thing feels very...forced.

Berylia still has her shoulder horn things? That just screams EVIL. Shouldn’t she have at least made an effort to hide those?

That one girl in the pink dress looks exactly like an anime style Ariel.

Negaverse….Dark Kingdom. Come on now! Not that hard.

Honestly, unless your readers are total idiots, it’s very clear that she’s changing from good to bad, so that subtitle under the box isn’t necessary.

Volume 03:

Ok, you established that Seiya/Starfighter as a woman in Volume 2. Now she’s male? Make up your mind.

You couldn’t even be bothered to give this new Starfighter kid new powers.

What exactly was the point of those twins showing up? They added nothing to the story. And then they leave again.

Shouldn’t Katrina know who the outers are? Given that she’s Mars’s daughter and all?

Pretty sure Chibi-usa was 300 years old when she was initia;;y introduced, but whatever.

Transfer students are odd, but not so odd that Usagi should be commenting on it.

Why is Shingo working at an arcade? His big sister is the Queen! One would think that would merit him some kind of nice position rather than a menial job.

That blond with him has the worst makeup. She looks like she put her lipstick on blindfolded and drunk.

Eww, Helios! Is it laundry day? Or do you genuinely have no taste in clothes?

Uh...That’s the Cauldron fairy. Why the hell is she guarding the time gates?

Michiru...you should be able to remember Queen Serenity.

The Great Queen is Queen Serenity? She’s dead. She died a super long time ago. Several thousand years by this point. So you’re resurrecting people at random now? I’m with Mercury here. It’s completely irrational.

Seriously? Where did Tempest come from?

You don’t need to write in ‘got her speech cut off’. Simply having the other person start speaking is a good indication of that. Also, instead of the … use a -- to better show this.

Yes, because newly resurrected ancient queens just sit and sip tea at a plain old table like normal people. Right. And Usagi is completely dressed appropriately for entertaining such vaunted royalty.

What a shocker. That other set of guardians looks JUST like the original ones. But who’s that blue haired odango girl with the stupid bangs? Let me guess. A sister or relation of Serenity’s?

Serenity had a relationship with an Earth person? How scandalous! Also, Princess Serenity was supposed to have been the first one to do that. He also looks way too young to be a general.

A stupid blue hair is her mom. Gotcha.

Oh look. A mix of the Sailormoon R movie and Super S screen cap traces.

Pyrolia’s face shows her irritation. That ‘Pyrolia was getting irritated’ is unnecessary, as I mentioned much earlier.

That item looks suspiciously like you tried to copy the moon locket from season 1.

Those roses would be more effective thrown stems first. That’s where the pointy bits are.

Why is Terra a kid now?

Volume 04:

Chiba? Gee, who’s she related to? *eye roll* Could you be any less subtle?

Page 217, you have a black box in the top left hand side. That is the first correct use of that kind of box I’ve seen.

Your art on the above page is inconsistent, though. In panel 1 she has a torn photograph. In panel 2 it’s suddenly in a frame.

Another person with the Chiba name? You’re really pushing credibility here.

Ah, Mamori, asking the question that needs to be addressed. And Usagi with a stupid answer. Good.

I feel you Usagi. I feel you.

What Great War?

You seem to have the word descendant confused with clone.

And now you’re just rehashing the end of season 1.

Why does Sailor Earth have an Eternal fuku?

Oh look, evil senshi. So of course they have dark bodices. So cliche. And attacks with the word dark added in. Yawn.

I get it, Kunzite’s a badass, but what’s the point in getting him involved? Or the other three for that matter?

Endymion would never be so heartless as to destroy his own child. Sorry, this is bad writing.

Oh hey! Next page links. Much better.

Volume 5:

The pages being out of order doesn’t really help the reader, but that’s a relatively minor issue given everything else.

Blah blah blah...rehash of early Sailormoon R...blah blah…

For the sake of time and brevity we’re going to completely ignore the elephant in the room that is Kousagi and the obvious name thing. You like to claim that you created her before you knew that Parallel Sailormoon/Kousagi existed. I like to say bullshit to that, but we’re not going there right now.

How did Kousagi get from the palace kitchen to a random street that far away? Kids simply can’t travel that far that fast on their own. No kid could have gotten anywhere really without someone noticing, even at night.

And there’s the predictable ‘Black Lady’ arc. What stupid, over the top name are you going to give her I wonder. DarKousagi? How long did it take you to come up with that? And why does she have shoulder spikes?

That’s the shortest evil arc ever. Makes me wonder what the point was.

Berylia’s gone from looking like a Beryl clone to a Kaorinte clone. What happened? Did you run out of Beryl poses to trace?

The outers have Eternal fuku. Why didn’t the inners ever get those?

How is that gem staying on Berylia’s chest?

I’m confused. Are they inside or outside while they’re berating Kousagi? Your scenery keeps changing.

Oop! Obligatory bath scene.

Kousagi’s dialog to me says nothing about Usagi and Helios being together. Way to leap to conclusions there Usagi.

Time travel rule #1: NO SPOILERS!

Pyrolia using Mars’s hand gestures is just...lame. Make up your own.

Empathetic powers are completely unheard of in the Sailormoon canon. It’s interesting, but you need to do a better job of explaining where this came from rather than just assigning random abilities to a character.

Has anyone ever told you that Amari looks like Fish Eye? If not, now you have.

Look at those basic bitch fukus. So boring! Even have the same shoes as their moms. Did you even try to think of something original here? The only real difference is that Jupiter has round earrings. Probably because you were too lazy to draw roses.

What I’m reading from Berylia’s transformation is that red hair is evil. She should have kept her hair colour. It looks much nicer than that nasty shade of brown you gave her. Not saying brown hair is nasty, just that the particular one you used is gross.

Also, that dude at the end really needs a haircut.

Page 330.2:

Obvious Ami recolour is obvious.

I’m not sure how we’re supposed to be reading any of Usagi’s dialog as her giving her mom attitude because it’s just normal stuff.

Volume 06:

You would never use -chan when addressing someone who’s station is above yours, like a queen. -sama is the correct suffix.

What, the golden time key wasn’t good enough for her? She had to have her own custom made purple one?

What’s with the brown cat? Where did he come from and why does he have piercings?

Your structure is out of order in this. Plot wise, Purity really should have visited the girls BEFORE leaving for the future, so those panels should be placed earlier.

One would assume that cellphones would look a lot different in the 30th century. You know, with a thousand years of technological advancement and all...

Oh, I see what you did with the Purity thing. Never mind.

Refer to my earlier comments about Haruna. Don’t want to repeat myself.

Oh look. Another new student. Once again from North America. Canada this time. Why can’t people ever use something like Europe or a different Asian country? This is taking write what you know to a ridiculous level.

Mean girl alert. What a shocker.

He’s bad news? NO SHIT! He’s clearly drawn that way.

So...who the hell is Kuroichi?

So now you’re ripping of the Cardians?

Are the full length henshin sequences really necessary?

The dialog in this is cheesier than my son’s favourite sandwich.

Warning: Science sometimes explodes.

Hey, Ella? The 80s called. They want their hair back.

Elemental senshi what?

I don’t even know where to start with Sheela’s hairstyle.

Kozono means ‘last year’

Sheela is a form of Sheila: Irish, from Celius, a Roman clan name. Also a form of Cecilia: blind.

Ella - Abbreviation of Eleanor and Ellen: Beautiful fairy.

Tsukina, near as I can tell either means ‘end of the month’ or ‘to use’, depending on how you write it.

What’s with all the buckles on Sheela’s pants? I can’t imagine trying to take those off.

That date scene looks just like the one from StarS. It’s identical, shot for shot.

Their beauty? Sure, whatever.

Ok, That one girl with the mask...the features on the lower half of her face shouldn’t be visible through her mask. Ella (whatever your senshi name is)...hair doesn’t work that way. Blue chick. Fur doesn’t work that way.

Pyrolia did that all by herself? You stated clearly in an earlier chapter than the four of them raised Berylia together. As Beryl asked them to.

Naito Kouken. Cold Knight? Did he have a tragic accident with a bottle of bleach?

Look. Unnecessary panty shot.

David and Berylia were in an arranged marriage? Arranged by who? Beryl died right after she was born.

Did someone teach Chibichibi how to speak?

What’s Roral bisness?

Kaoru Special:

Kaoru is supposed to be NQS’s sister? Why give her the same last name? At the very least it makes them cousins in their new life and not sisters.

Technically, Kuroichi doesn’t mean black blood. It means ‘venous blood’.

If you were to break it up, kuro is black ichi means one, as in the number one (1). You would get ‘black one(1)’. Black blood would be Kurochi. Chi is blood, not ichi.

Volume 07:

Why would Clarity be referring to Princess Serenity as Usagi? That’s her Earth name.

While I’m sure bad guys have some kind of sleeping arrangement, this looks a little too much like Usagi’s room from the anime.

Oh hey, Naito. Hair doesn't work that way.

Why is Kuroichi turning into a senshi?

‘Shadow Knight’ Oh dear lord….

I don’t even know how to deal with her sudden infatuation with this guy.

Nice to know the underworld has such good plumbing.

That image of the crystal palace looks like it’s just a piece of official art you ‘borrowed’.

How many of them are there? Good fucking question Usagi.

King Chronos’s gold tuxedo is one of the tackiest things I’ve ever seen! Why do the male heros in this comic keep wearing knock off versions of what the original characters wore? It’s disgusting and uncreative.

Sailor ChibichibiMoon’s transformation is a poor imitation of the original Sailor Moon’s.

*spits* GUARDIAN Galaxia? ExCUSE me?

Rollcall in Japan is done by surname, not first name.

Suddenly Kaoru has an apartment? You expressly stated that she lives in the underworld before.

So the dead queen who’s been resurrected for some reason is also living in Kaoru’s heart, too?

The true queen of evil is Beryl? Nah, I don’t think so. Also, she’s dead. Very, very dead. Then again, death doesn’t seem to be a problem to you.

This Aquarius character looks identical to the youman Tethys from season 1.

What the fuck happened to the art on page 515? Did you decide to start drawing it on your own? Or was the screenshot you were tracing from just have really shitty quality and you couldn’t compensate. Same question regarding the following page. 517 is back to the same shitty tracing.

Once again confusing offspring with clone.

Oh no the queen is dead. She was acting really out of character for most of this anyway. Mercy killing.

Ruby Imperium? Oh, she’s gonna have a lame name like Sailor Ruby now, right? Oh, SAilor Royal. Almost as bad.

Wasn’t her name in the past Clarity and not Kaoru? Also, Usagi was Serenity in the past. Get your names straight.

Serena? Come on now…

Those tiny versions of the princess dresses look stupid. That’s not how you’d dress a child, never mind a princess.

You’d have us believe that original Queen Serenity was a senshi? Fine, your story, but that’s really dumb.

I just can’t even with this art. It’s so bad I want to cry.

Side note: I know Kaoru isn’t yours. Doesn’t mean she’s any good.

More later when I've bleached my brain.

New Moonlight

Author: Black-Umi
www.deviantart.com/black-umi/a…

I’m really loving the art in this and how it grows and develops from the early pages. Little baby Pegasus is super cute (reminds me of a My Little Pony).

I’m gathering that Polish is your first language. Kudos for making this in English. Some spelling errors, but English is hard. Those aside, the story moves along at a nice, even pace.

You don’t see male moon children very often, so this was nice. Also Chibichibi. You had a comment on one page that you felt you shouldn’t be calling her that since she was grown up, but calling her that gave the reader an instant connection to the younger character. She could perhaps have a moment where she either gets fed up with the childish name or there could be a reveal where Queen Galaxia calls her by her proper name. There’s a significant time gap between StarS and this comic, so Galaxia undoubtedly would have given her a proper name instead of perpetually calling her by that childish nickname.

No issues.

Score:
Art: 10/10
Story: 9/10
Writing: 9/10
Formatting: 5/5
Overall readability: 5/5
Total: 38/40
Super Great!

The Enemy Next Door

Author: paladin313 and thepolishgirl
www.deviantart.com/paladin313/…

The art style tends to shift around quite a bit, but it does so in a way that suggests to me that the artist is trying to find a style that works for the comic. There are several pages at a time that are stylistically consistent and then it’ll change for a while. Right around page 13 is where it really starts to hit a nice style.

Are the girls going to a different school? Those aren’t the Juuban high uniforms. 
I like the random splashes of red.

Slight groan that it seems that this comic is going to be using dub terminology for the senshi. It’s a little strange since you’re using their Japanese names.

Keep an eye on those spelling errors.

Just a nitpicky Japanese note. A teacher in a Japanese classroom wouldn’t need to tell her students how to address her. They’d automatically assume to call her (last name)-sensei. It’s a politeness/respect thing. Setsuna reminding the senshi to address her formally makes sense, but telling a class how to do so isn’t needed.

That greeting should be written as ohayo gozaimasu. Even so, it looks a little out of place with everything else in English.

It’s nice to see Setsuna get a day job.

I found it hard to write this section, actually. What there is of the story appears to be well thought out and it’s coherent. I’m left wondering who some characters are, but with how tight the rest of the writing is I feel confident that if more of the story existed those things would eventually be explained.

As a side note, I enjoy that bits and pieces take place in Australia. It’s different.

It’s a little hard to figure out which bits of dialog to read first. Pages 14 and 15 are duplicates of each other. So are 19 and 20. So are 54 and 55. Aside from that, I see no obvious flaws in your formatting.

Like Eris said, sometimes it’s tough to figure out which dialog goes first, but even some professional comics fall prey to that problem.

Score:
Art: 9/10
Story: 9/10
Writing: 9/10
Formatting: 5/5
Overall readability: 5/5
Total: 37/40

Super well done!

Forgotten Soldier

Author: :devKatherineRosePeacock:
www.deviantart.com/katherinero…

This is done by hand and coloured in pencil crayon? I think I’m going to like this.
Your backgrounds are amazing!

Names are largely a matter of taste, but the ones you gave the princesses are...bland.

There’s not a lot here to judge, but it’s rare to see comics that look into the Silver Millennium as anything more than a flashback.

No issues or concerns here.

The text can be really light in places, making it a bit tricky to read. Your printing is nice and legible otherwise. My only suggestion would be to maybe go over the words in a dark pen.

Score:
Art: 10/10
Story: 8/10
Writing: 9/10
Formatting: 5/5
Overall readability: 4/5
Total: 36/40

Gorgeous!

Princess Ninako

Author: unconventionalsenshi
Site: Princess Ninako

Oh boy! Just a quick warning that this comic contains mature content so read at your own discretion.

The art here reminds me a little bit of the manga style but with its own unique flavor. The characters have actual facial expressions and body language. It stays within the bounds of what we see from them in the anime/manga while still being unique.

There’s a nice use of manga textures as well.

The characters sound like themselves on page, right down to Serenity making up ridiculous attack names.

My only real issue with the writing is a canon one. Seiya is female and this story presents her as male. Shippers gotta ship, I guess, and if you’re using the parts of the anime where they can genderbend, that’s fine, but with the manga-esque art it’s hard to tell which version of events the author is using.

It’s a good story even though it isn’t my specific cup of tea. I’m not a fan of these particular ships, but it’s well done. I’d like to know why Serenity and Endymion are having problems and where things go from where it leaves off, but what exists right now is coherent.

This comic is a good example of how you do speech bubbles without the characters being show in panel. There’s an early page that’s just text bubbles, but there are tiny images of the Queen and Princess inside the bubble so it’s clear who’s speaking without it being stupid. It’s a technique she uses on other pages as well.

It reads easily enough. I don’t have any problem following the panels around.

Score:
Art: 9/10
Story: 8/10
Writing: 9/10
Formatting: 4/5
Overall readability: 5/5
Total: 35/40

Awesome!

Sailor Moon: Imperium

Author: SMTheAwkening

Sailor Moon: Imperium

The art looks like the author/artist took a bunch of screencaps from the anime and recolored them. At least you’ve got proper backgrounds. I’ll give you that.

Why does that one character look like a bargain basement Naru with darker, badly straightened hair? Also, while I question that Rhea’s visual design changes so much after she transforms, I also generally tend to applaud people who pull stuff like that.

The design on the back of Rhea’s scarf is clearly a rip off of Dark Mercury from PGSM.

Moon’s transformations look exactly like sceencaps from Stars.

Why does Chibi-usa have a pink moon on her forehead?

Why does Usagi have an iPhone?

The youma on page 71 is a recycle of one of Jadeite’s youma from season 1 of the anime. Are you seriously just picking and choosing what you want from the source material?

Your Sailor Earth is just a Jupiter/Makoto recolour and I swear Blue Moon is Usagi with longer hair instead of pigtails.

Why is Adriana naked on page 106?

Your Imperium design looks like an unimaginative rehash of the Super moon design, but with transparent wings instead of those super long bows. I understand artistic license, but those colours look so wrong for Sailormoon.

There are times when your Eternal fukus look like regular ones with eternal bits slapped on. It’s sloppy.

Funny, scenery on the moon looks eerily like the inside of Rei’s house.

Metalia in the anime and manga had no form. She was just a big thing of black smoke with eyes. It’s an interesting creative choice to make her look like a person.

BM’s dad looks suspiciously like a Kunzite recolour.

Not far in and I’m finding some spelling errors. Not as many as in some of the other comics we’ve looked at, but they’re there.

Nitpicky note: Dub names? Really?

Your dialog seems to be getting worse as the comic progresses rather than better. You also scene and time jump around with no warning and it’s massively problematic. It leaves a reader wondering if they missed something.

Oh look. Sailormoon trope #2: Mamoru has a disturbing dream so he breaks up with Usagi. Yawn.

You really need to tell readers who Earth and Blue Moon are and what they have to do with the story rather than just throwing characters in because you feel like it. Sure, invent characters for a story/fanfic, but at least give them some kind of purpose and backstory rather than existing for the hell of it. Also, no one talks like your characters do. They come off as completely immature.

Explain how Sailorchibimoon was able to do a Moon Tiara attack with no tiara. While you’re at it, why does she have goggles?

And now the senshi are on crosses? Why?

The leap from page 116 to 117 doesn’t make logical sense. Some of those characters were just up on crosses and now they aren’t? You’re missing a step here in your story telling.

More stronger? *cringe*

Ok, so once again who is this Blue Moon character? Who is her father, why do the others know and why would he have anything to do with what’s happening? You keep not explaining who these new characters are and it’s frustrating. By this point in the story we should have some idea of who Earth and BM are and why they’re involved, but we don’t. That’s bad writing.

So if I’m understanding right, Rhea is basically a piece of Metallia? I don’t think I’ve heard that one before. I’m not totally clear on what the deal with this is or who Adriana is.

Umm...who the fuck is Blue Moon? Why does she have her Eternal fuku when Saturn literally just got hers?

How would Neptune know about Metallia? She wasn’t around in season 1. Pluto I can buy as she’s the keeper of time and all, but the other outers have no business knowing about her. Also, how the ever loving fuck does Neptune know about Adriana? Pages 32-39 don’t really make any sense.

Why does Sailor Earth start with an Eternal fuku? See earlier comment about Saturn and Blue Moon.

Why are your villains suddenly talking like children and making silly faces?

Who is Sailor Hime?

Why did Rhea’s fuku change color? While you’re at it, explain the sudden change to Adriana’s outfit. And Red Star? Not the most creative name either. Rhea was better. On the topic of names, how do the inners know her civilian name is Alice? It hasn’t come up before this.

All those versions of Usagi/Moon in one place is a bad thing. Not storytelling wise but there’s this rule in the Sailormoon universe that different versions of a person can’t be in the same place at the same time for very long or it, like, breaks reality or something wacky like that.

So...BM’s dad is responsible for creating Metalia?

Square speech bubbles? Sure, ok, that’s an interesting stylistic choice, but could you at least give them proper tails? Make them look like speech bubbles?

Your pages are boring to look at. Yes, they get the job done, but it’s not very visually interesting. My suggestion would be to look up different types of page layouts and ways to build comic pages. Page 50 is your first visually interesting one but it’s not a high bar to be honest.

I’ll give you props for showing some improvement to your panel layout as the comic progresses, but it’s not consistent and it’s a very minimal improvement. Still, it’s there.

This is a stupid nitpicky thing, but having a next page button in your image description would be really handy, especially for new readers. I really appreciate that the first page was the first image in the folder, but it was a pain to have to click back into the folder every time I wanted to go to the next page. It doesn’t affect the general readability of the pages but it’s annoying and slows down my reading speed and is going to drop how I score this section.

My inability to follow the nonsensical story decreased readability.

Score:
Art: 4/10
Story: 4/10
Writing: 4/10
Formatting: 3/5
Overall readability: 3/5
Total: 18/40

I was expecting better.